Like a child

Is anyone ever truly prepared for motherhood? I can understand now why some of my colleagues mentioned that the pregnancy was actually the honeymoon part of being a mother.

I miss the bump. I miss feeling her move and seeing the ripples on my tummy. I miss feeling that constant heartbeat and the kicks and elbows and the fingers and toes against my skin. I miss being pampered by him too.

I don’t miss the heartburn or backaches or the insomnia. Or the emotional imbalance or crankiness.

Labour was… not what I expected it would be. My birth plan was to go all natural and at most use the gas. But I was taking way too long to dilate so medicine pumped to speed up the process. Was handling the pain just fine until then. I did try fighting it. Side-effect of the medicine was powerful contractions. My AG girls say I’m strong and I was.

I held on for as long as possible, breathing into the gas mask, squeezing his hand. When the major ones came, and they came extremely fast and furious, it was too much. Too much.

Tried just breathing into the gas mask all the time. Tried having him hold the mask in place while I held his arm and squeezed it. Then the pain threshold crumbled. Could feel the tears pouring down my cheeks. Understood how people could have died in childbirth. Understood why mothers are the ones we love most, coz of all the pain they went through.

Couldn’t take any more. It was just too much emotion, too much pain overload. Asked for the e-word. Epidural. By then the pain had really intensified. The needle charting the strength of the contractions moving quickly back and forth.

Once the epidural was in, the pain dulled. You could visibly see the relief on our faces. The senior staff nurse attending to me was saying the contractions were very powerful and that the decision to insert the epidural was just in time. She told me to rest, the next stage could also be difficult.

A few hours later, I was fully dilated and ready to push. Baby’s head already seen and he took a peek. When he said she had lots of hair, I laughed. Doctor came and the pushing started.

He said the moment her head came out, there was a “pop” sound. It was all over within 5 minutes. The look of amazement and wonder on his face. The relief on mine and the happy tears we had.

And then the world faded away as she was placed on my chest. We were looking at her in awe. Gorgeous. Perfect. Words every parent must have felt about their child. She quietened quickly once she came into contact with me. She opened her eyes and looked blearily around. A few minutes later, she was feeding.

Hessa Sofia. The long-awaited arrival. The first grandchild on both sides.

The moment she arrived, the love for her has grown and grown. The heartwarming welcome she received from family and friends, boundless.

It is now a little bit past a month since her birth. She is still amazing us day by day. Every day there is a new discovery. Despite the sleepless nights, the erratic feeding hours, being tired and zombified, we know, I know, nothing matters more than this little bundle of surprises and love.

Now I’m going to cuddle and kiss my cheeky baby. Enjoy the pics!

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